Wow, 2024. The past year went by so fast, sooo freaking fast and at the same time it felt like it went on forever. I dropped of the radar mostly in the second half of 2023. Not because I didn’t want to write blog posts any longer but because I felt like I failed – hard. All my big plans and goals for 2023 just… fell apart and nothing really worked out the way I wanted it to. In part that is thanks to the situation at my work place where everything just went to shit. Shit quite literally hit the fan, well, walls but you get the point I guess. I have worked in this clinic for now over 15 years. I was there in the beginning when nothing was established, nothing was routine, everything was new. Not the entire clinic but the secured unit. We worked our asses off to make it work, to figure out things on the go and … well, it is burning, like crazy and I find it hard to watch it fall apart. The unit almost feels like my baby. Or my parent. I don’t know. I ‚grew‘ up there, started out inexperienced, grew into a content nurse and finally moved on to being the experienced nurse in the unit. Form my initial team only I am left. A few days ago an old co worker of mine who has moved to a different unit helped out in the secured unit and he asked me how I can still do this? How am I still holding on? Well, what can I say? I am not sure how. Part of it is for sure that I do not like change at all. Not even a little bit. Even though the only thing that is constant is change. I played around with the idea of leaving for the past… five years? Something like that but I never did. Truth is that I simply like my job, it’s not the patients who make it hard for me, it’s the co workers. New and inexperienced like I once have been (nope, I am not 100 years old, only 40) but the unit is such a mess right now that they never get the chance to grow like I did. I am trying to give them as much help, input and support as a I can. But I cannot change that some of them are simply not willing to put in the extra work I have done. I read a lot in my time off, always have been and when I first started out in the unit my reading entirely shifted to job related things. I still read a crap tone of articles and books related to my job each year. I had doctors who were experienced who I could drive crazy with my questions. Today it feels like a bunch of toddlers are trying to do an Iron man. And that is just not working out. The sick rate is as high as it has never been, people come and go all the time. There is so much experience lost because of that. Some of our patients are with us for the entire time the unit exists but no one but me knows them, no one knows their history. We switched systems three years ago and the old data is not available for most of us. That means that we start at zero with the patients. Well, not we .. they. Sometimes I wonder what will become of the unit, what will happen if it really crashes because it is close to that. I hope there is a team left we can safe. I hope there is a unit left we can safe but I am really not sure.
Me dropping of the radar had also to do with my mom. I supported her through the grieving year. Which now is finally over. Now everything has happened once, birthdays, wedding days, day of death. I am good. Of course I still miss him but I rather celebrate a life well lived than mourn a minute of his death. Mom is still fighting, but she is … doing okay ish.
Last year taught me not to overplan, to give myself time to rest and do the things I love. I started writing again in november with the NaNoWriMo and managed to write roughly 130k words in november and december and I have missed the feeling of being excited to write. I managed to carry that excitement over into January even though I can’t write at work and mostly not during my work weeks because my daily schedule in winter is so tight because it is getting dark so early.
For 2024 I chose smaller goals, less intimidating. I won’t write about them in detail right now because I am still in the process of establishing them in depth. The only thing I want to tell you right now that I want to do a ’no spend year‘.
II think most people know what a no spend challenge is, have heard about it, read about it and maybe some have done it. I did a few no spend challenges, most of them worked okay ish, some didn’t work at all. I decided that I need to figure out a different approach to money for me. A lot of people buy things to reward themselves or to get a good feeling out of it. I buy things, mostly crafting supplies, books and food to motivate myself to do and be those things. I have a crap ton of projects lying around because of that. Hence I decided to try another no spend challenge, this time for a whole year, starting on February the first.
For those who don’t know what a no spend challenge is here’s the short version:
You don’t spend money on things that aren’t absolutely necessary. Like crafting supplies or more clothes (which is not a problem for me thank god, I am really minimalistic when it comes to clothes.). Of course purchases for essentials and bills are allowed. Otherwise you decide how a no spend challenge looks for you. Some take the hardcore approach with no expectations, other give themselves room to wiggle if needed. That is what I will do. I already know that I need a new sewing machine. My old one drowned when the roof leaking late december last year.
The other exception will be my bullet journal for next year. I spend years looking for the perfect book and last year I finally found one that would fit an entire year and meet my preferences. It’s from citurs book bindery in Great Britain. I love this bullet journal, I adore the cover and the quality of the paper and I know I’ll be able to fit an entire year in it and still have room to play around and use it as needed. It’s not cheap, which is absolutely fine with me because it does have the best quality I’ve seen so far. Instead of buying two books I’m okay with I buy one book that I love. And no, there is no point in pointing out that I could just use two less expensive books. I really don’t like switching books in the middle of the year, I really really really don’t.
Those two things are the exceptions I have planned for. I also will give myself the room to rebuy stationary items as I need them like markers or ink, because I still write a lot from hand, like journals and letters and stuff. But only if I run out of those items. No buying washi tapes or stickers or things of that nature. I will also try and make the upcoming birthday presents myself. I am not yet sure what I’ll do about christmas but I’ll figure that out when time comes.
I think I want to try and blog about the no spend at the end of every months, what I purchased aside from food for me and my animals. Food is a sensitive topic for me, not because I have an eating disorder but because I really am not a good cook. Well, and I kind of am a really picky eater. I don’t like certain textures and colours in food, don’t like to eat overly spiced dishes. Mostly I stick to ten meals I know I like and well, that is not really a variety diet is it? I like to cook and I want to cook but mostly I don’t have the time for it. I want to drop weight and have good results with low carb eating and sports. I want to do that again. I want to use the january to research as many recipes as possible for breakfast and lunch, quick meals nothing complicated. Because if it is complicated I won’t stick to it. Right now I just need some low hanging fruits for an easy pick. So I am setting my goals for 2024 low. Nothing fancy, nothing complicated, things I know I can accomplish.
For 2024 I set a low bar goal for the blog to write at least one entry each month. The high bar goal is four. I already picked out some topics for this month and we will see how far I can get. For now I wish you all a very happy new year and that 2024 will be the year you are longing for.
love, Mael
Tales of a life 